Portrait #13: Cooper

If I remember correctly, I drew Cooper the same day I drew Hannah D. I had very similar feelings about hair texture, as I was getting into the physical motion of drawing the wavy hair texture. I'm still wondering about the degree to which drawing hair texture in public is performative.

Cooper was super poised while I was drawing her, and the texture of her book's pages was interesting. I've drawn some boring looking books in my day, and this one was a different scene. Thanks for holding your book in a more interesting way, Coop.



I've been really impressed with Cooper's work in our class. There was this one project where we had to use performance to change a space, so Cooper decided she would literally "climb the stairs" of her building like a monkey. It was crazy because she was so fast that the class had to run up the stairs to keep up with her. I felt like I was on a safari chasing a wild monkey, as Jeanine clicked shots of Cooper in her natural habitat.

Portrait #12: Hannah D.

Drawing Hannah D. was pretty enjoyable because I really like the planes on her face, and her intense look of concentration. She said afterward that she didn't really like being drawn. I think it may or may not have made her uncomfortable. It was different drawing someone in the studio during hours when people were around, because I got a lot more feedback in progress. I think people were into it, which was encouraging. It's interesting when drawing intense textures and shading becomes a performance of sorts, while also being for my own personal fun. I mean, check out her sweet glasses. I was into drawing her hair because wavy hair is kind of amazing to me, as a curly haired person. Also I am a really big fan of Jewish noses, as previously mentioned.

Hannah was weaving or crafting with her hands while I drew her, which is why they are so scribbled in. Hannah's conference project for our sculpture class is based in creating a little greenhouse environment for plants which represent her connection with a friend who is on the other side of the world. She is always making little fun objects which add personality and warmth to the space.

Portrait# 11: Hannah S.

This portrait was done after one or two dates that I had with Hannah. Since then we have started dating-dating. This portrait was hard to get through because there was a lot of tension, and she was obviously nervous and distracted from her homework. I was pretty distracted too, which accounts for a decline in my "learning curve" in portrait drawing. (I.e. I could have done a much more accurate drawing had we just been platonic friends.)

This one, more than the others, taught me about the gaze (GAYS?) of the artist and how it changes the way people look when they are being observed, and how the gaze is not objective. I mean I guess that was obvious in the previous posts about sitters' requests based on their insecurities and my willingness to attend to their needs. For Hannah's portrait, the effect of my gaze was very unspoken, yet pronounced. (Apparently Hannah was looking up our horoscope compatibility instead of writing a paper.) It definitely remains one of those moments where a couple asks each other in retrospect "what were you thinking then?"

This whole "gaze" thing sort of captured a then-power dynamic based on me being older and her being new to Sarah Lawrence, and new to the clubs that I've been organizing. Since then, I think this power dynamic balanced out a lot, thank god. I was worried I'd end up like my ex-boyfriend, who made me feel like I had to read the complete works of Marx to be on his level. I really don't wanna be that guy!

Portrait #10: Alanna (and me)

Alanna's portrait was the first during which she also drew me. It was very intense (and postmodern!) because we were both listening to our own music and having our own experience fueling those emotions into codifying our visual perceptions of each other. We were using different media (I was using graphite and she was using a micron pen on a small sketch pad) so there are also inherent stylistic differences since she didn't have as many smudgy gradients and I didn't have as much of a contrast between lights and darks. Maybe that is what pushed me to really dig in with the graphite stick to up the contrast. I think people who walked by us in the library were kind of confused about what was going on. Because whatever it was, it was out of place and hella intense.



In each portrait there is a different emphasized area or technique, which isn't always conscious but always interesting to read into depending on the relationship. I realized recently that since most of my sitters are doing homework while I draw them, their gaze in the direction of their hands. While hands are usually the last thing I think to draw, the drawing looks incomplete without putting them in since that is, in some ways, the focal point. In Alanna's portrait I tried to resist this temptation to scratch in the hands at the end, but I think they are still not as worked out as the folds in her sweatshirt or her facial expression. I consider that a strength in the rendering of her computer since it makes apple's design look a little silly instead of severely geometric. (My first year I did a whole painting series on people and computers... more later on the Fe Fy Fo Femme blog.)

Anyway here is the drawing Alanna did of me:


I'm pretty pleased with it because she gave me very strong, Jewish features in this really stylized way. I wouldn't say that the visual image is how I see myself exactly but I'd say it's generally flattering. I also think it's kind of funny that she included my lower back sticking out from my clothes on the side. Alanna is apparently a very truthful draughtsperson-- something I wouldn't know from what I've seen of her conceptual sculpture and photography work. It'll be interesting to compare how I draw myself as a final portrait for this project to the portrait Alanna drew of me. (Foreshadowing????)

PS. I feel that she made me look Byzantine like these lambs.

Portrait #9: Lisa

I met Lisa last school year when I was assigned to live with her on campus in Slonim 8. We immediately became friends due to our common love in artist Cindy Sherman. Actually, before I got to Sarah Lawrence I saw a facebook group called "Cindy Sherman: Or, How I Became a Lesbian"... which I joined. I knew deep inside that I had found the right school for me. So it was saach a pleaszhuh to look back on that group two years later and realize that I had become friends with all 4 people in the group, Lisa being one of them.

Lisa and I had a nice time taking advantage of my homework assignment in order to catch up. I consider her a close friend of mine although we aren't that good at hanging out on a regular basis-- I'm too flaky and Lisa is too reclusive. She would make fun of me last year for not knocking on her door enough, to which I replied, "well, you're all the way downstairs!" Mostly we run into each other in the library and on the train from the city but it is always just like old times.

For the drawing, I took extra care on her fingers because I always thought the way she held things was really nice. Her fingers are kind of long and pretty, touching things delicately, and you can kind of imagine her kneading bread with them or doing something cozy. (Not to force her into a gender role.) I also took extra care with her glasses (because they are so angular and add an interesting dimension). I kind of wish I got to draw her teeth because they are also very nice as you can see from the photo.

It was also a relief to finally draw curly hair again. Being the curly headed gal that I yam (I YAM WHAT I YAM... LOL LISA!!!111) I have a special comfort in drawing the kind of shape I learned on. Speaking of which, Lisa's mom sent me a book last year called "Curly Gurl" after she visited from Houston. AWwwwwww. Like motha like dawtuh.

Portrait #8: Charlotte

Before I drew Charlotte, she went through my big bag of old clothes and picked out the sweater she wanted. Her project (for the same assignment as this blog) is bartering/exchanging objects with people, to find out what they will trade their things for. I was pleased to draw her in her new sweater; it looks better on her than me. It also produced some nice folds that I liked drawing with the thin side of my graphite stick.




This was not the first time I drew Charlotte, although it was the first time I drew her since we've actually known each other. She was the sitter for this painting that I did first year (but not for long enough that I'd be able to accurately paint her hair and shoulders):



I thought at the time it looked pretty cool despite the lack of hair-resemblance, since I focused a lot on the background (using a palette knife) and the way it related to the foreground on the profile side of her face. I think I learned a lot about planes in this painting, specifically in the cheek/eye/bangs part of the painting. It's hard to see the nose in the more recent drawing but I think I did her nose more successfully 2 years ago. The lips and eyes are pretty similar in both pieces, which is not to say that Charlotte still looks the same. It is hard to know how much my brain records images and how much it injects into each drawing a preconcieved notion of each person's physical essence.

Today Charlotte and I collaborated on a performance piece for the class we are in together. To read about it, you can go to my other blog, called Fe Fy Fo Femme (as soon as I post on it). Basically what happened is that we performed Marvin Gaye's "Got to Give it Up" on the elliptical machines at the gym, therefore breaking the social seal of individual gym music/body experiences. I wonder how my approach to her drawing would change after that.

Portrait #7: Jen

Jen is my new buddy. She is an awesome organizer for Solidarity Club, which is organizing against the evictions of tenants in the Hill House apartment building which was turned into a dorm. I think it is pretty tight because evicting the tenants is a super sketchy and unethical way of making some extra cash for our tiny endowment-- the College would probably make at least 4 times the amount off of sticking first years into triple-bedrooms, since the apartments are currently rent stabilized. Anyway. Back to Jen. She is rad and makes President Karen Lawrence tremble with her revolutionary fervor. LOL We really love radical theory and praxis!

Also Jen came with me to the FIERCE Bowlathon and was part of our JFREJ (Jews for Racial and Economic Justice) team. It was fun and I beat her bigtime in the second round (75 points! Jeez I am a bowling star waiting to happen JKJKJK).

While I was drawing Jen, she was reading this book called "The Oral History Reader" pictured in the lower left corner as "THE ORAL". I tried to portray her true beauty but I think it only half worked. She looked toadelly teen girl hardcore on my bed in her black pants and leg position, especially since we were listening to Sunny Day Real Estate (I needed some sad music in the background and I figured the best place to find it was my 14-year old music library). Jen didn't mind the music even though she is really into hip hop and freestyling.

I think the position of sitters near my pillow definately has an effect on the mood of the drawings and the experience. It's like I'm examining from afar the way they interact with my personal sleeping space. As the semester goes on, they are more likely to want to study while I draw them and sometimes it is hard for them to concentrate and/or sit still. Jen was good at concentrating since we were in a reflective mood.

Epilogue: Quit Playin' Games with My Heart

I am very grateful to have drawn a portrait of Spencer on October 6th. About ten days later, October 17th, his heart failed after taking a turn for the worse and he died in the hospital. It is so sad that his life was cut so short. It was really unexpected (at least for me) because I was really convinced by his attitude toward his heart condition that he was going to be fine. He had so much courage to live life so fully and remain as active as he did. I am really glad I got to know him better in the weeks leading up to his death, and it's been really hard in the weeks after it to realize that we can't keep developing our friendship in the same way. (He lives on through our memory of him, and all the things that remind us of him.)

His parents were very glad to have the picture of Spencer with the portrait, and now they have it on their refrigerator to help them remember him. (I offered them the drawing itself but they wanted me to keep it so that it can help me remember him.) Apparently the day I had drawn him was his mother Penny's birthday, so in a way it is a gift to her to have such a recent and angelic photo of him. I'm really glad for my art to help a family in the unbearable process of grieving for a child.

It has been interesting to reflect on how my drawing my friends marks a new step in our relationship, and how the intimate process of drawing them helps us acquaint ourselves in a basic but intense way. Spencer was very persistent in becoming part of this drawing project that night while we were waiting for our other friend to call me. He clearly really valued the experience of being drawn-- for example, he held out a stillness for a very long time, and finally he asked "hey Beth do you mind if I scratch my head with my right arm? I'm SO ITCHY." It was kind of ridiculous since he was doing me a big favor to hold a pose for a lengthy time without pay/collateral, and tried to ignore his itch for so long. That's kind of similar to the way he was about his heart, I think-- never really complained about it. When I told this story about the head-scratch at his memorial on Thursday night, Penny came up to me and said that it was an example of how much Spencer would do anything for art, and told me a story about how he had bronchitis during a school play, and miraculously controlled his breaths to not cough for an entire scene (only to let out some hacks as soon as the stage went black).

I guess in a way this blog has had an overall cheeky tone, which is fun but also doesn't really get at all the truths of the experience. When I was drawing Spencer I couldn't get over how sweet he looked sitting there looking up at me and how nice it was we were getting to know each other. Which is of course connected to the Backstreet Boys joke. Multiple truths.

Goodbye, Spencer. We love you and miss you.

Portrait #6: Brian

So far Brian has been the most "involved" sitter I have drawn. (Meaning he kept nagging "Can I see it?? Make my chin longer, move my eyebrow up. I don't think my ear goes out that far" etc. If you remember from the first post, he was the one that asked not to be drawn as "skinny and Jewish". That portrait failed pretty hard because of my attention to his requests although I went pretty wild with the texture of his sweater (which he wore again in this portrait). This time around, he was very interested in the other sitters' requests for certain features and was very pleased that I subconsciously emphasized his Italian side. Brian has a newfound affinity for Italian culture after spending a year in Florence. After I was done with the drawing he commended me that it looked like an Italian fresco. Mostly I like the rumpledness of his sweater and how it shows his slouchy posture. The picture above reveals the witty, performative side of Brian's personality.

Brian had a really good time eating the Trader Joe's Ginger Snaps while being drawn, and talking about his crazy dreams which he was excited to go to sleep for. We also went to town making up new lyrics to "Wagon Wheel" pertaining to Obama. (e.g. "rock me momma like a wagon wheel" --> "barack obama can cook brisket meals") We tried to incorporate both mainstream media coverage of the election but also some radical politics "Barack obama let's be real, barack obama you're imperial. youuuuuuu can project onto him your politics". To which Brian "HA HA HA HA HA"ed at for about a commercial slot length of time.

I'm Beth Slutzky and I endorse this message.

Portrait #5: Muriel

"Have you ever drawn any of your friends naked?" Muriel asked.
"People? Yes, many. My friends? Not recently," I replied.
"Well..." she said and we both nodded. "I could wear my bra and panties...?"

So then we listened to "Disturbia" by Rihanna for the fiftieth time in our apartment and talked about how it was probably about the collapse of Capitalism (check out the lyrics) while I began to draw her sitting on my bed. I had just done laundry and all my "hang to dry" clothes were doing just that. I thought this floral dress would be a nice 2nd character in the story because it would bring up a bunch of stuff about femme identity in Muriel's portrait and bring up questions about how she feels being naked and scrutinized by her friend. She has been my most patient sitter so far which I think contributes to the good proportions in this portrait even if the composition is kind of strange. She looks very alert and focused which is also how I feel she is about our friendship.

Here is a picture of the dress, after I had it in my closet overnight. Miraculously its folds were in the same position, I guess since it had dried that way. Maybe Muriel's folds are the same today because she dried that way also.

Portrait #4: Ellary

Ellary was singing soulfully along to Nina Simone while I drew her, practicing for a performance she did Thursday night. She got so into the music that it made her move around a lot. Her palms pressed together in her lap made it look like she was praying. I could tell that it was an out of body experience but that didn't stop me from telling her that she needed to change back to her original position so that I could get the drawing right. Maybe that's why her shoulder is so big in the picture-- she was sinking further and further to her right as she sang with her eyes closed. Next time I draw Ellary hopefully it won't be one of her practice nights.

Portrait #3: Spencer B.

When I drew Spencer, he unknowingly followed a trend in my sitters, by requesting that I don't make his nose and ears too big. He congratulated me afterwards that I satisfied his needs. Personally, I think I made him look like a Backstreet Boy, with the whole bent knee and clean-cut look. Also maybe he fits into this Backstreet Boys video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1KdkQv0FfI

My question for Spencer is why he abstained from the wet t-shirt contest and chest-fondling which comes along with the package.