This portrait was done after one or two dates that I had with Hannah. Since then we have started dating-dating. This portrait was hard to get through because there was a lot of tension, and she was obviously nervous and distracted from her homework. I was pretty distracted too, which accounts for a decline in my "learning curve" in portrait drawing. (I.e. I could have done a much more accurate drawing had we just been platonic friends.)
This one, more than the others, taught me about the gaze (GAYS?) of the artist and how it changes the way people look when they are being observed, and how the gaze is not objective. I mean I guess that was obvious in the previous posts about sitters' requests based on their insecurities and my willingness to attend to their needs. For Hannah's portrait, the effect of my gaze was very unspoken, yet pronounced. (Apparently Hannah was looking up our horoscope compatibility instead of writing a paper.) It definitely remains one of those moments where a couple asks each other in retrospect "what were you thinking then?"
This whole "gaze" thing sort of captured a then-power dynamic based on me being older and her being new to Sarah Lawrence, and new to the clubs that I've been organizing. Since then, I think this power dynamic balanced out a lot, thank god. I was worried I'd end up like my ex-boyfriend, who made me feel like I had to read the complete works of Marx to be on his level. I really don't wanna be that guy!
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